Getting married changed your life in many ways. By joining lives with another person, you got to share many of the same day-to-day experiences. You went to the same parties and spent time with the same people.
But what will happen to these friendships after divorce?
Sadly, many friendships are strained or end when divorce happens. This is especially true with friends that you mutually share between you and your soon to be ex-spouse.
There are many reasons your friends may choose to distance themselves from you after you announce your divorce, such as:
- Taking sides and blaming you for the divorce instead of your spouse. They may think you are being “unfair” to your spouse.
- Religious or moral superiority in the form that they think you are wrong or “sinning” for getting divorced.
- Wanting to avoid excessive drama and having to hear constant updates about your divorce
- Wanting to avoid the awkwardness of trying to maintain friendships with you and your future ex-spouse
No matter the reason, the loss of friends can be devastating emotionally. You can feel abandoned and lonely at a time when you desperately need support the most.
Divorce can be painful at first, but after divorcing, you may find yourself in a much healthier place. Below are some tips for supporting your emotional well-being after the loss of friendships, maintaining existing friendships, and building new friendships.
Maintain Perspective and Take Care of Your Mental Well-Being
One of the first things you need to do is recognize that all friendships evolve over time. No person is static. Perspectives, interests, and the amount of free time a person has changes throughout different life stages.
It’s crucial to maintain the perspective that the reason some of your friendships have ended is not because you are bad or pitiful person, but because circumstances you can’t control have dictated it.
There is always hope for restoration of relationships. Many people find that not all friendships are lost permanently. Reconciliation with old friends can happen months or years down the road.
Regardless, during the brunt of despair, it’s important for you to take care of yourself and process your emotions. Some common ways of doing that are through regular exercise or journaling.
Set Boundaries with Your Existing Friends
When you announce your divorce to your friends, it is wise to set boundaries, especially for friends you share with your spouse. By encouraging your friends not to take sides, you can minimize or eliminate awkwardness that may, otherwise, cause them to avoid you.
It would also be beneficial to decide with your spouse that the details of your divorce case will remain private. By doing this, you can prevent gossiping or accidently badmouthing your spouse in front of a mutual friend.
If possible, focus your interactions with mutual friends on neutral topics or events, such as dinners or shared hobbies. Friendships can often ease the pain of divorce and help distract you from negative emotions, so it’s wise to continue to regularly invest in as many positive friendships as you can.
Work on Building New Friendships
Divorce transforms a single household into two separate households. While you should try to retain existing friendships, it can also be good to develop new friendships with people who don’t know your spouse.
This can be more difficult if you are older. However, there are some common ways of meeting new people. One way is to join a local interest or hobby group, such as an exercise group or hiking group. Other ways include volunteering at a non-profit organization or joining a new church. Regardless of what you do, maintain an open mind, and find ways of connecting with other like-minded people.
Hire A Charleston Divorce Mediator
Two of the better ways to maintain friendships during a divorce are to: (1) minimize the amount of conflict in your divorce; and (2) complete your divorce quickly. The best way to do that is usually through negotiating a divorce settlement before you have wasted a bunch of time, emotions, and money in a prolonged court battle.
Our experienced divorce mediation lawyers can help you get divorced quickly and affordably without hiring lawyers or going to court. By acting as a neutral party, we can guide you and your spouse in negotiating a divorce settlement that is fair to both of you. Call our office today to learn more about your options and if divorce mediation is the right thing for you.
Getting through your divorce with dignity can lead to a better life. The transition process may be hard, but looking back, you may realize that divorce was the turning point that led you to a better life.
About Kenneth Peck
Kenneth Peck is a certified Charleston Family Court Mediator with more than 40 years of experience as a divorce attorney. He uses his knowledge and experience to guide couples in negotiating divorce settlements so they can save money, complete the divorce process quicker, and get better outcomes than they would at trial.