High Parental Conflict and the Effect on Children’s Long-term Mental Health

High Parental Conflict and the Effect on Children’s Long-term Mental Health is not Divorce but High Parental Conflict is the driver of long-term Harm to children

Over the decades of studies, the consensus is that children exposed to parents fighting over time have shown a much higher risk of: anxiety, depression, behavioral problems, school difficulties, and relationship insecurities into later life. Clinical Psychology Review, after a long-term study of children who had been continuously exposed to fighting, hostility, and poor coparenting, reports that the greatest predictor of children’s adjustment problems is interparental conflict. It is the intensity and chronicity of conflict, not the separation or divorce of parents, that show above-average outcomes of negative effects on emotional, behavioral, and academic functioning. -The Psychological Bulletin

Custody literature has consistently informed courts that they are to prioritize the reduction of parental conflict in custody matters. When court evaluators assess the ability to parent in isolation, the first risk factor assessed is the ability to control the level of interparental hostility. It is this single factor that is more predictive of outcome than the custodial arrangement.

Directly placing a child into a dispute or “triangulation into a conflict as a messenger, confidante or ally is considered a significant harm mechanism.” However, there are techniques for minimizing conflict. The most effective means for minimizing conflict are: bringing awareness of the conflict existing between parents, and its effect on the children. Teaching parents to treat the coparenting relationship like a limited business partnership. The business is strictly that of the child’s needs, including: the schedule, health, education, and general safety and welfare. The goal is to minimize any personal interactions and agree that any issues, grievances, or blame between the parties is off limits. Allowing structured communication only, using email or apps. For asynchronous communication. Allows for specific, detailed parenting plans without room for interpretation. Minimizing exposure of both parents and child is a format for stress for a child. To avoid this, pick-up and drop-off should be at a neutral exchange location, usually school or day care. If conflict is extremely high, a third-party trusted adult or a police station is best. The goal is predictable, low-emotion, and child-focused coordination.

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About Catherine Marra

Catherine Marra is a Mediator with over 30 years of experience in Family Law, including 20 years in private practice and 10 years as a Family Court Magistrate. She uses her knowledge and experience to guide couples in negotiating divorce settlements so they can save money, complete the divorce process quicker, and get better outcomes than they would at trial.