Holidays are often the times when families get together to celebrate, build cherished memories, and foster connection.
But that all changes after a divorce?
When children are involved, holidays can turn into a logistical and emotional rollercoaster.
Instead of sharing the holidays as a single family unit, you will need to divide time between you and your spouse.
This will lead to many questions like:
- Which parent will the children spend certain holidays with?
- How will relationships with in-laws be handled?
- Will anything change if either parent remarries?
- How will physical distance between households affect things?
Making decisions about how holidays are handled after your divorce are best handled during the divorce process when child custody and parenting plans are negotiated.
Negotiating Holiday Plans During Divorce Mediation
Getting divorced through mediation means you retain control over what happens to your family after divorce, instead of being at the mercy of a South Carolina Family Court Judge.
But this requires that you and your spouse are able to compromise and agree on solutions. By creating a detailed agreement during the divorce, you will be able to prevent future arguments after the divorce. When it comes to the holidays, there are many arrangements you can consider. Some common arrangements include:
- Alternating Holidays: With this arrangement, one year parent #1 gets certain holidays and the next year the other parent gets those holidays
- Splitting the Day: If both parents live in the same geographical area, you can split the day itself so that the children are able to experience the holiday with both families. For instance, the kids may get to eat lunch with one parent’s family and spend dinner with the other parent’s family.
- Spend the Holiday Together: This arrangement only works if you and your ex-spouse are able to be amicable and civil to each other and any new partners.
You may also want to include in your agreement that certain holidays shouldn’t switch, such as Father’s Day and Mother’s Day.
Another thing to consider is how extended family will factor into the division of holidays. If an extended relative, like a grandparent or aunt, only comes during certain times and holidays, you may want to discuss keeping those times as a constant holiday.
Besides deciding how time is split up, you will also want to discuss how costs and travel will work if one parent lives farther away. Usually, the parties will share the costs with each parent responsible for travel in one direction. However, if one parent is more financially able, you can negotiate that that parent is the one to pay travel expenses.
Putting Your Children First During the Holidays
Your main priority when co-parenting after a divorce should be your child’s well-being. It can be hard for children to spend holidays away from the other parent. But, you may be able to ease the transition by doing the following:
- Communicate Plans Early: By setting your children’s expectations early about what will happen, they will better be able to prepare themselves emotionally and mentally. And by agreeing early on, you can avoid disagreements and tension, which can negatively affect your kids. You want to communicate positivity and fairness instead of fostering guilt and sadness that they aren’t with you during a certain holiday
- Coordinate Gifts: Instead of competing with the other parent, it’s better for your children if they receive comparable gifts from both parents. If there are big items you want to get, you could try splitting the cost with your spouse and presenting it as a gift from both parents. Trying to manipulate loyalty through gifts can build resentment and conflict.
- Prepare Extended Family: You need to communicate to your parents and siblings that your children are going through a difficult situation where they need to balance living between two families. Urge them to avoid becoming jealous. Communicate with them that they should not try to compete with the other parent’s family in terms of love or loyalty.
Don’t turn the holidays into a competition between whose family had the best celebration or gifts. Instead, focus on emphasizing positivity, unity, and the fact that both parents love their children.
Preparing for life after divorce is demanding, but it’s best to figure out as much as you can during the divorce process. A Charleston divorce mediation lawyer can help guide you and your spouse through all the different issues when it comes to parenting time and dividing the holidays. Call our office today to get started.
About Kenneth Peck
Kenneth Peck is a certified Charleston Family Court Mediator with more than 40 years of experience as a divorce attorney. He uses his knowledge and experience to guide couples in negotiating divorce settlements so they can save money, complete the divorce process quicker, and get better outcomes than they would at trial.