Today, about 18 percent of parents do not work for pay outside of the home. This is according to a study from the Pew Research Center. Pew found that as of 2021, about 26 percent of mothers and 7 percent of fathers were stay-at-home parents. And while the share of fathers has increased over the past 5 years, the moms still represent about 82 percent of all stay-at-home parents.
Of course, just because a parent doesn’t work outside the home doesn’t mean they don’t work. We all know–or are–stay-at-home parents who seemingly never have time to take a break during the day. But they are still largely dependent on their spouse’s income to make ends meet. So what happens when the marriage ends?
As an experienced Charleston divorce mediator, I’ve seen the anxiety and fear from stay-at-home moms as they contemplate their future without their spouse’s support. It’s not that they want the marriage to continue. They just don’t know how they’ll be able to get by financially, especially when they still have to raise their kids. And they often aren’t sure how to even go about getting a divorce–or responding to their spouse’s demand for one.
Considering Your Options
Perhaps the most immediate fear is that your family will be dragged into a knockdown courtroom battle that will last for months, if not years. This fear can lead a stay-at-home parent to agree to whatever their spouse demands just to ensure there isn’t a fight.
But there are other options. Consider divorce mediation. This is a form of alternative dispute resolution that has long been recognized here in South Carolina. Mediation is a voluntary process, so you and your spouse will have to agree and act in good faith to make it work.
Mediation should not be confused with arbitration. As a mediator, I don’t take sides. I won’t tell you that your spouse is at-fault for the divorce or insist you accept a financial settlement that makes you uncomfortable. And unlike an arbitrator, I don’t make rulings that are binding on you and your spouse. You can walk away from mediation at any point if it makes you uncomfortable.
- You don’t need to hire a lawyer, for mediation.
- Mediation gives you greater control over the divorce process. You’re not leaving key decisions like how to divide time with your children or how to divide property in the hands of a judge.
- Mediation is almost always cheaper and quicker than fighting it out in court.
Will I Automatically Get the House?
This is a question I get a lot from stay-at-home moms. They want to make sure they–and their children–can stay in the family home even if the other parent moves out.
What happens to your house generally depends on whether it is classified as a marital or non-marital asset. If you and your spouse purchased the home together during your marriage, then it’s marital property. If the house belonged solely to you or your spouse before the marriage, it may be considered that spouse’s separate property.
When parties cannot agree on how to divide marital property, a South Carolina judge will impose what’s known as an equitable division. Now, that doesn’t mean the court will split your house in two and give each spouse half. But the court can give the parent with physical custody of the children the right to stay in the house until the children turn 18. And if the house is sold, the proceeds from that sale can be divided equally between the parties.
Am I Entitled to Alimony?
Alimony isn’t granted in every South Carolina divorce. Again, you and your spouse can negotiate an agreement that provides for regular alimony payments for a set period of time. But if you leave it up to the judge, it’s not a guarantee.
That said, if you are a stay-at-home mom with custody of the kids, that is considered a factor in favor of alimony–at least so long as your children are in school. Some other factors the court will look at include:
- Your educational background and earning capacity.
- How long you were married to your spouse.
- Your standard of living during the marriage.
- Whether your spouse (or you) committed adultery.
- Whether you are receiving alimony from a prior divorce.
Alimony is not necessarily permanent. Some alimony awards are considered “rehabilitative,” meaning it is assumed you will eventually be expected to work and earn a living outside of the home. And if you end up living with or marrying a new partner, that will generally terminate your ex’s obligation to continue paying alimony.
You no doubt have many other questions about how to deal with the financial and legal fallout of a divorce as a stay-at-home mom. I’m happy to speak with you about your situation. Call me today at 843-323-4687 to schedule a consultation.
About Catherine Marra
Catherine Marra is a nationally certified Divorce Mediator with over 30 years of experience in Family Law, including 20 years in private practice and 10 years as a Family Court Magistrate. She uses her knowledge and experience to guide couples in negotiating divorce settlements so they can save money, complete the divorce process quicker, and get better outcomes than they would at trial.