You and your spouse have agreed to divorce. But now, your spouse is saying they want to move out of the state with the kids. Perhaps, they say there’s better jobs outside the state, or that they want to be closer to their family.
You may not be sure what to do and have several fears or concerns. Perhaps, you are asking yourself questions like:
- Will I still be able to have a relationship with my kids?
- Will I still be able to see them in-person and spend quality time with them?
- Who will pay for the travel costs?
Thinking about your place in your children’s future can invoke strong emotions. And you may be asking: “can divorce mediation really work for such a major issue?”
Yes, it can.
Divorce mediation is often even better than getting divorced using lawyers, because it allows you and your spouse to figure out the answers to these questions, instead of being at the mercy of a Family Court Judge.
Divorce mediation provides more flexibility and encourages cooperation. If you can work through your emotions and define what really matters to you, mediation gives you the ability to negotiate a custom parenting plan that can satisfy your spouse’s desire to leave the state and your desire to be an active part of your children’s lives.
Step 1: Negotiate Child Custody
The first thing you will need to negotiate with your spouse is how child custody will work. Determining the child custody arrangement can help protect your rights for an initial move out of state and any other moves that happen. Your Family Court Judge will make the decision on the basis of South Carolina law for child custody, which is found at https://www.scstatehouse.gov/code/t63c015.php.
In South Carolina, there are two types of custody:
- Legal Custody. This is decision-making power related to education, health, and other areas.
- Physical Custody. This refers to who the child lives with.
These two types of custody can be split up in four general ways:
- Sole Custody. One parent gets both types of custody for the children.
- Joint Custody. Parents share both types of custody, but one parent is usually designated as the “Primary Custodian”
- Shared Custody. In this arrangement, both types of custody are usually shared evenly.
- Split Custody. In this arrangement one parent gets Legal Custody and the other gets Physical Custody.
Your Charleston divorce mediator will help your spouse and you negotiate whether your spouse will be able to relocate with your child. It is far from certain that your spouse will be able to relocate with your child to another state. Many factors will have to be discussed.
If you agree to the move, your mediator will then assist your spouse and you in defining what parenting will look like when your spouse relocates to a different state.
Step 2: Negotiate Relocation and Visitation
Your main goal if your spouse moves out of state is for you to maintain a strong relationship with your child. This can be achieved by diligently preparing a plan to ensure fair and consistent contact with your kids. A custom parenting plan can help you and your spouse lay out the rules for keeping both of you involved in their lives.
Family courts seldom order customized parenting plans that fit unique circumstances. You are much more likely to get the best parenting plan for your child through negotiation with your spouse of the many factors that arise from your individual situations and the best interests of your child. You know better than anyone else what that parenting plan should be.
Below are three major aspects of a parenting plan that you will want to discuss.
- Visitation Schedule. You will want to work with your spouse to create a practical schedule for when and how long each of you will spend in-person time with your child. Since your spouse is going to be in another state, the distance may not make short visits impossible. To balance things out, you may want to consider different arrangements, such as multi-week or multi-month visits. You may also want to suggest that the child come stay with you during most (if not all) of the summer months.
- Transportation Arrangements. Traveling across state lines can be expensive. To prevent financial disputes and issues, it is wise to decide beforehand how travel will be handled and who will pay for it. If your spouse lives several states away, airplane flights may be the only feasible way to travel. But, if your spouse lives only one state away, driving may be a more feasible and cost-effective option.
Travel costs are often split by having each parent transport the child in one direction with the other parent making the return trip. - Alternative Communication Methods to Maintain Relationships. If there will be long stretches of time when you don’t see your children, it would be ideal to identify other ways to maintain your relationship. Thus, you may want to propose to your spouse rules for weekly communication via phone or videoconferencing, such as Facetime. This can help ensure strong, continued connection with your children.
As a Charleston divorce mediator, I’ve helped many couples in reaching a voluntary settlement agreement that addresses legal matters regarding child custody. Not only is mediation less stressful than traditional litigation – it also gives you and your spouse greater control over the outcome and your future.
You can get divorced without lawyers and judges. Call our office at 843-279-8480 to schedule a free consultation.
About Kenneth Peck
Kenneth Peck is a certified Charleston Family Court Mediator with more than 40 years of experience as a divorce attorney. He uses his knowledge and experience to guide couples in negotiating divorce settlements so they can save money, complete the divorce process quicker, and get better outcomes than they would at trial.